Here Come the Elberts

Rena, Richard, TJ, Ashley, Kelly and Chris are, I suspect all hunkered down in Columbus Indiana tonight, trying to stay warm and out of the 12 inches of snow that has been dumped there in the last few days..... but tomorrow, they will get in the car and drive to Cincinnati, where they'll get on the plane Saturday morning, headed for San Pedro.

We are so excited to have them coming down!!

Richard, Kelly, Rena, Ashley, and TJ (I don't have a picture of Chris) Fine looking family, aren't they?

Rena and Richard at TJ and Ashley's wedding

Ashley and TJ

Now, this is where it starts getting a little scary, here's Richard, driving a boat last year when we were at Dale Hollow.




Here's Rena blowing the whistle on Richard. He tends to drive a little, well, let's just say, "fast", and leave it at that.


Richard has a hobby. He and a couple of other guys do The Legends of Rock and Roll, for fun, mind you....and they are damned good at it.

Richard as Elton John

Richard dressed as Cher

Oh, and he can do a mean moon walk too. So if you see a six seater golf cart in San Pedro next week, with a guy driving, well, a little fast, three hot chicks and two guys hanging on for dear life, well that would be the Elberts. Say hi, they're real nice people!

And if the driver happens to be wearing size 11 pumps and a feather boa, think nothing of it!

Winter is a World Away

I got some emails today from Janet and Rena, with pictures of the winter wonderland that has been hitting the Midwest the last couple of days. It looks very pretty in the pictures, but I sure don't miss it.

We had sunny skies and 86 degrees today here in San Pedro, (but to be fair, it's the ONLY decent day in a week save last Sunday), and half a world away, they are covered in a blanket of snow.

Postman, beware!

It looks so cold!

No Diving!

Snowdust

Like waifs in the wind

Lost Soul

....er....."sole" FOUND

Some of you may remember the APB which was posted here last month, looking for the missing flip flop that Terry Mackey lost during his stay. When he left, he told us he was going to hide the remaining flip flop in our yard.




Sure enough, yesterday, Fernando rescued the lost sole from it's hiding place, behind Yumil in our courtyard. Nice work Terry!

Kelly McGuire Boat in Belize

Kelly McGuire is back, bringing the band, and will be performing all over the island. Stay tuned for updated information about show sites!

Unreal Reality TV

A few years ago, we are flipping through the channels and I see this show, and can't believe that it is actually on television. Flavor Flav and Brigitte Neilson. First, she is double his size and pasty white. He weighs about 80 pounds soaking wet with change in his pockets, had gold teeth, is blacker than black, is dressed like a pimp and has a clock around his neck that would make Big Ben weep. We stare in disbelief at the set, glued to it like a passerby is glued to the scene of a horrible train wreck....what are these people thinking?

Oh, trust me, it gets worse. Apparently that show was a success, and VH1 came out with a variety of "reality" shows a few months later. Every washed out, has been, wannabe celebrity is looking for love.... or something.

There was Flavor of Love, (seasons one, two and three), in which, the clock toting pimp-like character professed to be trying to find love with one woman each season after 10 episodes in which grown women with over-sized breast implants and clothing the size of band aids wrestled, ran, performed, and competed amongst each other for one chance at love with the gold toothed, clock toting, pimp-like "singer".


There were spin offs, of course. One scorned contestant from Flavor of Love, whose stage name was "New York" was so vile and disgusting during the filming that VH1 rewarded her with her own series. "I Love New York", where she spent two or three


seasons looking for love. Apparently after several tries, breast implants, lip implants, and a series of fake eyelashes which look like they could cut a sirloin steak in half, she was unable to find the man of her dreams and had one last "hail mary" series called "New York Goes to Hollywood".

Then, two rejects from the "I Love New York" show, (who just happened to be brothers), rejected by New York, got their own series. There names were "Real" and "Chance". But of course.


This show continues the concept that grown women will do ordinary everyday things like play volleyball, ride horses, and landscape wearing nothing but tight-fitting, dinner napkin sized clothing, stiletto hells, and two liters of eyeliner. How can you not watch? How can you not be riveted to the screen, wondering the entire time what process the human brain must go through in order to continue this behavior?



Oh, there were the Osbournes, but they pale in comparison. Actually, a couple of episodes into the show, and I was so annoyed by trying to translate everything Ozzy said, that I gave up. Besides, one member of the Osbourne family wore more clothes than the entire cast of any of the other shows.


Another big winner, "The Pickup Artist" (season 1 and 2). This is a show about a guy is so incredibly good at picking up women that he brought together the weirdest group of geeks possible so that he could attempt to teach them the fine art of picking up women. C'mon, the guy's name is "Mystery". He wears black nail polish, a big fuzzy black hat and has loads of facial piercings.....

Along comes the forgotten, aging rock legend of Poison fame, trying to pick up his game, and I suppose a little cash. Bret Michaels did two seasons of "Rock of Love" where he is supposedly looking for the love of his life amidst gartter belts, corsets, pancake makeup, Frederick's of Hollywood fantasy outfits, and silicone. These girls try to put the hurt on the Flavor of Love contestants with their costumes and total lack of knowledge of the English language.


To top it off, Bret Michaels has to be the worst actor EVER! I would be totally impressed if he managed a three syllable word or a complete sentence. The guy had a bad case of thinning hair and a receding hairline when he left Poison ten years ago, comes back on this show with a full head of Sally Beauty Supply golden locks, always carefully hidden away under either a bandana or a cowboy hat. The man walks like he has a load in his pants all the time and attempts to have the batch of hooker rock star groupies perform various activities with as little clothing as possible.


Last summer when we were in Indianapolis, we were on I-70 one day and happened to see a "Rock of Love" brightly painted tour bus passing by. We thought nothing of it until a few weeks ago when, after poor Bret tried to find the love of his life without success, he opened a new show called "Rock of Love Bus Tour". The premise of this show is that Bret can only find his one true love if she is someone who can "rock out" with him when he is "on tour". These vixens follow Bret around on his concer tour and learn how grueling it is to be on the road.

Ok, first, this "tour" is an absolute joke. The rooms this guy is playing are about the size of the San Pedro High School auditorium, and he's playing the big cities like Indianapolis and Louisville. Need I go on?

The castoffs from Flavor Flav and I Love New York get a second chance at fame, when they compete against other losers in another VH1 show called "I Love Money", (seasons one and two, because you just can't get enough of these idiots in one season). They do a variety of competitions for a chance of winning a whopping $25,000.00.

The rejects from "Rock of Love", seasons one and two get to go to "Rock of Love Charm School", which is hosted by none other than Sharon Osbourne. Since she did such an outstanding job making the rest of her family charming, is it any wonder why they chose her?

I have no idea what it is that draws me to these mundane, idiotic, over the top shows, but the absolute ridiculousness of them amazes me. I'll keep tuning in to see what daring adventure these ex-porn stars are up to each week. Maybe they'll compete to see who can put the alphabet in order.

What, you might ask, ever possessed me to write about this idiotic display of human conduct? Last night's episode of "Rock of Love Tour Bus". My favorite line yet in all of the shows. The "girls" were directed to tear down band equipment on stage while dressed as if they were attending a party at the Playboy mansion. One of them, dressed in what resembled a bikini styled after the "French Maid" costume, fell off the stage.....yep, about 6 feet down.

When she later complained to her "team" that she was injured, one of the other contestants looked at her and said, "Bret Michaels is a rock star. If you are going to be with a rock star, you better learn how to fall off a stage, bitch!"

I got out of bed to write that gem down so I wouldn't forget it. I'm still chuckling over that one.

A Day at the Beach, er... Sandbar

On Sundays, we try to "clock out" around 11:00 for some free time. Today, we decided we wanted to spend some time soaking up the glorious sunshine on the beach. Trying to decide where to go, we realized we had tickets to drop off down south for the February 2nd Kelly McGuire "Concert on the Reef"

Since we had to stop at the Sandbar anyway, we thought it would be a great day to sit on the beach by the pool and relax.


What we didn't know, was that the SACNW was having a painting party there today. They were setting up as we arrived. Loads of signs outlined on pieces of plywood, ready for the kids to start painting, for posting around the neighborhood.

Signs are on the picnic tables, which have wisely been covered by plastic!

Trash goes in the can, man!

Some last minute arranging of the supplies

Here come the kids, ready to do their "dirty" work!

These kids were serious about staying inside the lines

After the painting was done, some of the kids decided to go fish hunting

The one that got away

The finished products

Kudos to the SACNW for their efforts, and especially to all the budding artists that painted the signs. Sometimes the best afternoons are built on surprises!

Up is Down and In is Out

Sometimes during the course of our lives, it seems that way. Just when you think you've got it, it's gone. Just when you think you know what your future holds, you don't. I wonder if you ever get used to that, say, maybe when you turn 80 or 100. Maybe you just walk through something totally different than what you believed was happening, and you just shake your head and say, "yep, that's it".

Most of us like to have a little plan. You know, something to lean back on during slow times that feels a little like a plush cushion on our backs. Something we can rely on to be there whenever we need to take a break and lean back. When the cushion is gone, why is it such a shock to us that it's not there anymore?

I once took a Myers-Briggs test, and the examiner looked at me and said, "you like things to be in order, to have a reason and a purpose, and your life is totally out of order". Not exactly the kind of thing you want to hear from a guy who is supposed to be evaluating your test results.....the part about your life being out of order.

Some days I get up and I know exactly what I am going to do and when and how. Then ten minutes pass by and not one thing that I had in my plan went the way it was supposed to. That is usually a good indicator of the kind of day I will have.

Maybe one of these days I will turn into one of those people who just seem to roll with the punches, that take each moment as it comes, that turn lemons into lemonade. Today, I am not that person. I mean, it sounds so good in all those Hallmark greeting cards, "take it easy", "change is for the better", and when I'm reading those cards, I really think I can be one of those people. Let things just roll off my back. Not happening.

I need some transcendental meditation, or to spend a month or so with a swami somewhere in India, to get my mind "centered". Maybe that's what it is.

I like to think that I am the kind of person who can survive anywhere under any kind of circumstances. I have survived lots of life circumstances, and am still standing. But sometimes in the middle of all the chaos, all you can see is the chaos, and not the solution.

Rolling with the punches, that's what some people call it. Accepting change, and accepting your lot in life, that's what we are all supposed to do right? Some days when you are ankle deep in buffalo crap, rolling with the punches isn't exactly the first thing that comes to your mind. Generally, it's something along the lines of "get me the hell out of here!"

I'm still working on it. It's an ongoing project, with more time spent entrenched in the muck, than I have left to change it....

Tammy Turns Forty

Tammy's 40th birthday was supposed to take place on a barge, out at the reef. When the weather refused to cooperate, it was moved to the Tacklebox Bar and Grill, where, as you can see from the photos below, a good time was had by all, despite the change in venue.

Happy Birthday Tammy!